informal : a man who is authentic in words and actions.
—an adversary of Mr. Nice Guy
I firmly believe that one shouldn't talk about someone or something they hadn't had any first hand experience in relation to the person of interest or the situation, so yeah I had been a Nice Guy for a greater part of my life and I can tell you that even if you are one you will not know until you consciously move away from that persona.
Interestingly "persona" is a Latin word for mask, the one wore by actors of the play to hide their real face. A society on large works on the condition that majority of its constituent people go about their daily ritual by wearing the appropriate masks from the get go. This might look something like this,
"Loving Partner" will surrender their own life of mediocrity because their better half can have the freedom and doing so will threaten their relationship.
"Beloved Son" will not experiment in their teenage years and or follow the path chosen by their parents for their line of academia, work and life partner because their parents know whats best for them.
"Good Friend" will stand by his/her comrade even when he doesn't believe in his/her actions because any disagreement might break their friendship.
"Respectable Employee" will always follow through when orders are given by their superior because an objective discussion about orders could mean stagnation.
"Successful Parent" ensures security, comfort and main stream education to their offspring despite the lack of their own fulfillment while the alternative can make them a failure as a parent in the society.
One will see the above statements and say that's normal, as a matter of fact it is. Its also a matter of fact that living with the any of the above personas or all of them will severely impact personal growth and that of civilization in general. The reason for such a dire prognosis is because life evolves not because of comfort but because of adversity and an active mindset to avoid such adversity and emotional tension will stunt the growth and finally decay out of existence. I can unequivocally say that no human in their right mind would actively choose stunt and decay over growth and evolution.
Let me cut to the chase, this article has its roots in the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover, and has been written to help people [mostly myself] purse fulfillment in their own life and dig themselves out of the guilt of being nice and acceptable over being authentic. Every conversation with every person you ever had up until this moment has sculpted you so then the process of becoming someone other than who you were until now is quite literally personality shattering, once you set sail on this journey you constantly see disbelief, confusion, lack of respect or just plain hatred in the eyes of your kith and kin and this is to be expected as you have turned your course around and as such everything you had brought with you to this point will become the obstacles for your progress. Its also expected to have a lot of internal conflicts and to seek solace in being able to have come this far and surrendering with the old order. The journey of the Mr. Genuine is just as treacherous as the Nice Guy while the later is just self defeating and the former is all about leveling up.
If so, how does a life of a Mr. Genuine looks like.?
as a "Trusting Partner", gives himself the same love as he gives his partner to ensure growth in all aspects as a human being while knowing that a great relationship is ever changing and ever growing and not limited in any sense.
as "Respected Son", who understands the implications of a long term addiction and when such interests persists, takes a chance while keeping his guardian in loop, he takes responsibility for his situation and actions, while boldly pursuing his passions in education, work and life with self-esteem.
as "Best Friend", shares his opinion without prejudice knowing that he is not perfect and the way to greatness is by falling and failing forward, he unburdens himself and his friend from the past to envision better future.
as "Great Employee", who lives beyond his paychecks and embodies vision and mission of the organization, working with the sense of ownership that aligns with the companies growth and his own. Knowing and having tough conversations to bring clarity as inevitable way to progress.
as "Inspiring Parent" who looks at his kid as a gift instead of responsibility, who is jubilant to be a part of a someones life and to witness it up-close, who gives a part of his livelihood with joy as he continues on his own journey without being dragged by sense of obligation towards his offspring with a clear understanding that all he can give is opportunity and not necessarily direction because how life of any being turns out is but a personal choice.
how then ?.
Its all about foregoing and forgiving what limits you in the moment. To let go of that burden to be a loving partner, beloved son, a good friend and all that and becoming just one Mr. Genuine.
The difference is you will have no one to blame but everyone to be grateful for,
its a very subtle and significant art of building a life of meaning and values, its an ego in that its highly selfish which sounds not so pleasing, guess what? it's not!.
Its about letting go of having a life where the decision are made while accounting life of someone other than yourself to be a condition. Letting go of thinking that you are doing the right thing for someone else's benefit. Because no matter how good you think a decision is/was its just your perspective out of infinite ways to explain a event, there are no undeniable realities, no facts, just perceptions and interpretations. So the act of becoming a Mr. Genuine is about letting go of ones own expectations and embracing the possibilities of something more, that which can expand your conscience that which can challenge you emotionally, physically and socially. Because guess what, no great stories were without conflicts. Great stories are written by challenging certainties and accepting the truth of not knowing the outcome but still giving oneself completely for achieving it. Leading such life one will realize that everything is an illusion, one that has been built by self, that our mind has concocted to limit itself to comfort zones.
Becoming Mr. Genuine is not an achievement in itself but is a step towards living a life that can be, it liberates you from living a life from without to within and shows that without is but a reflection of within, the life is just as open for everyone as to oneself that uncovers this master piece called "SELF" with all its rough edges to marvel about.