Sound Advice for Daring
I have made many mistakes in my personal life not because the actions themselves were wrong but rather the intentions that thrusted them there was my deep rooted need to prove that I am right and that people will understand things from my perspective if I try. I was so very wrong…!
I am not an “expert” in the domain but I do have a mastery over daring given my adventures so far.
First, lets clear the nonsense. It’s not love.! All the feelings and emotions you feel when you look at someone and start to develop immense need to be with and build a beautiful future together, yeah.. that has nothing to do with love. The feeling is just the rush of anxiety and uncertainty that helps flourish the possibilities of your imaginations. This will fade in time… Just give it some time. It will fade much quicker if you actually complete the cycle. For the lack of a better word lets call it the pursuit
Love is much more simpler to define but very difficult to understand.
Love is what keeps you alive
This post is an excerpt on the advice I passed on to my friend recently when he asked.
What do you think, if one gets an idea that she is too beautiful for you to deserve?
Look, we humans are inherently irrational, we have animal instincts what messes things up is that we want to make sense of good, bad, happy, sad anything and everything that happens to us, to explain everything we feel., and more often than not it needs to be acceptable in the society the more you think the more you end up creating irrational meaning which ends up solving nothing.
This is all fine to an extent but the problem rises when it starts to question or worse depreciating one’s own value or worthiness.
Whatever he said falls along the same lines…
Most of us will not agree with what comes next, becuase its a bitter truth.
Men desire women for their beauty and women desire men for their status …
“status” in our society is closely related to financial stability, and in India its now a father’s duty to find a “secure” home for his daughter to procreate. In accordance to this, today more and more men have started crushing their ambitions and dreams in an illogical pursuit of settling. Typically men with money have an inherent feeling they are worthy and have the luxury of rejection and choices which is what status signify, when we don’t have enough of it we feel less worthy and feel dejected.
Luckily, this is not the complete story.
Let’s add a personal touch.
Have I ever felt that I don’t deserve that girl because she’s too beautiful?
I did Yes a long time ago., but Not anymore., If I find a woman attractive, I would definitely pursue without every bringing this question into my mind.
Imagine the worst possible thing that can happen if you ask the girl you fancy out on a date.!, It’s infinitely better than beliving you don’t have a chance.
I would put it this way.
The whole universe is here for you to take action, to conquer your wildest dreams. For any thoughts which says otherwise just put it on hold for 100years. You can revisit that later.
Having this belief is the first step and the most important one.
Pointers for Rookie. [the Technique.!]
For starters, if you haven’t met this person in person but keep eyeballing her profile, it means you have paused your life in a dream of pursuit which is limiting. Remove her info from contacts. Don’t keep tabs on her social media accounts or worse don’t keep re-viewing her pics as you might get stuck in Limerance.
As a man of faith all I can say is pray once to god or universe or just nudge your subconscious that you want to meet this crush of yours face to face by end of the year. This part of the puzzle is not under our control but asking for help is the only move we have.
It will happen. When you get your chance follow this…
2 step rule.
I. Introduce yourself to your pursuit, give her a hint on how she can reach you. could be a mutual friend reference, insta, or what not.
Sometimes I give my number and ask her to call if she is interested. This sounds raw but that’s a whole lot of polarization right there.!!
II. Tell her that you admire her presence in this world and ask her out on a date be specific [ How about friday evening? It would be fun to have a game of badminton / bowling together…].
She will probably say No. or atlest some relative version of it, like not now. or something…this is all rejections. just without a spine to admit upfront. More often than not all rejections are part of the girl’s own psyche’s belief system to avoid socially awkward situations and limit herself to comfort zones. Don’t over analyze it, its the part of the charm of the pursuit. There is one thing which works better don’t engage her over a long period of time, make good eyecontact, any kind of non self deprecating jokes can aid the outcome that should end up showing the rawness of your being and at the same time make her feel comfortable being herself.
If she does say anything other than a clear resounding Yes. Say “thanks for considering” and walk away. Don’t make any excuses to stay longer than necessary or chat her up to get second chances.
What the actual Fuck.!! you say….?
The trick is that, you need to start taking rejections casually, without any intense thoughts about what it means to you or your future. You will get better at dealing with these feelings eventually and in the process you will completely remove your sense of worth from being questioned at any point in your life.
You would have started “loving yourself”. This is a “level up” one needs to achieve for the pursuit to work and life to become joyful.
Loving oneself helps you to attract more people who love you for who you are…This is the unconditional kind.
I have got rejected so many times, some were a joy in retrospect. Rejections doesn’t mean much to my value or worthiness.
No matter what my friend Manoj keeps saying, My worthiness have never been this antifragile before, everyone needs to develop that.
At inception it’s totally normal to feel inadequate, you will be scared of loosing your shot, your mind keeps telling you to back down, to limit yourself in the comfort zones this is a preservation trait that which has kept us alive for thousand’s of years to do what is not risky. In this case to not take a chance that might damage your confidence and a sense of self.
I had struggled with this feeling for two long years, I was desperate. I felt worthless for days together, I would consider myself a fool, but ultimately did do what was necessary even then I could barely handle rejections well. Many nights I had wept myself to sleep. sometimes when I used to meeet the girl I was in pursuit of, I used to ask her of her relationship status to see if I have chance, looking back it was a low status move. Made me very needy, I had the anxiety about missing out. All in all that journey was exactly what was needed for me to grow.
So why even ask when the trick is to Walk Away?
Rejection is a double edge sword, it cuts both ways. You get to wield it’s power by accepting it.
By accepting rejections gracefully you will master it.
When you get rejected, saying “Thanks for Considering” and “Walking Away” is the most vulnerable and most powerful thing any Real Man can do…
This is what makes man a Superior Being, it makes him worthy of any woman., and no amount of money or abs can buy it. What happens after this is not in our control, but more often than not it works out.
Ok., what if she says “Yes”.?
Congratulations, You have come to an end of this journey.